PRE OPERATION

Tuesday 17th January and its finally come around the day I get put back together again. 

I feel like humpty dumpty! Queue jokes of you play like humpty dumpty ……its now been five and a half weeks since my injury happened. It's been the longest weeks of my life. So many highs and lows already. Your mind and body play tricks on you, it's another fascinating part of our human bodies. You sustain the Injury and there is like an explosion in the knee and it balloons up with swelling and blood and you know your in trouble. Over the course of the next couple of weeks whilst your body is naturally healing inside the joint your mind lulls you into a false sense of security and you begin to think "oh wow it feels better, I'm on my way here". You become a bit more mobile on your crutches and things like the shower, going to the toilet and just sitting down become a little easier as there is some movement and less pain in the knee. All of a sudden you pull yourself back into reality and realise how long you have got to go as the timescale begins to hit you! Yes the surrounding components of the knee have had time to knit together and are healing but the main structures still need to be fixed. That is when I've become impatient and irritant over the last couple of weeks. Its undoubtedly been the right thing to do to wait as the surgeon has told me but also its been a frustrating time as I just want to have the operation and get fixed and challenge myself in the rehab and to feel like I am on the way back. I've had times where that feels so far off but I just shut my eyes and envisage myself playing and training and being stronger than ever before again……

So my answer to everyone who has asked me over the weeks has been "yeah I'm as good as I can be"…..but you don't look happy a few have said " well I'm not going to be buzzing am I". Haha. As I've been out and about a bit more lately I have seen more and more people and they have all been very kind and generous and coming up to me and asking how I am. Once again I want to thank all who have done so and I appreciate their concern. It's made me realise that the world does have some very kind people in it!

Back on to the big day or 'D day' as I've been referring to it as. The18th of January has took an eternity to come round for me but I'm buzzing its here. I'm apprehensive about the full ordeal to be honest. It's not the operation that bothers me. I'm comfortable with the process of going under the knife and I'm not the timid type. In fact with what I've been through over the years I'm getting used to it. The pain as I've said before is fine and something I embrace. It's even something I enjoy in a strange way. The whole staying in overnight thing is keeping my mind ticking over though. This is something I don't embrace and enjoy but I know it's part of the process so I'm telling myself  " just suck it up and get on with it Hogg". At this point I don't know how long I will spend in hospital but it will be a few nights so that's part of my mindset now, mentally preparing for the stay!. Books…..check……Ipad stocked with films…….check……wash bag……check……slippers…..check!!

My 'prehab' exercises have been going OK and the knee has settled down significantly. The muscle loss on the leg has been scary to be honest. It has just showed me how your body reacts without training muscles that are so used to getting trained and worked daily. I know that this is just something that happens and it won't take long to build back up again. It will be part of the hard work that lays ahead. I'm going to take regular pictures of the leg as I go along so I'll see how far I've progressed. So here it is pre operation in the skinniest state it's been since about 12 years old.   




The START

My view

So, here I am the night before 'D day' and again I'm like a zombie. I'm in the room physically but mentally I haven't been here for days. Since my Journey down to London began last week it's been building up. Somethings coming. Something is going to happen. I can feel it in myself that I'm being quiet at times. I'm not meaning to be but my mind is drifting to tomorrow and drifting off thinking how I can't wait to get this over with and start the physical rehab work. Build myself back up again.

So I'm relaxing tonight as best I can. I've had a nice little bath and now time to eat and chill in front of the TV. I can feel a snuggle with my dogs coming on too!

 Onwards and upwards……

"YOU GAIN STRENGTH, COURAGE AND CONFIDENCE BY EVERY EXPERIENCE IN WHICH YOU STOP TO LOOK FEAR IN THE FACE"

- Eleanor Roosevelt