#7

So after me finishing my last post on a positive note I just need to get down how my last few days have been. These have been my first bad days really since the injury (3 weeks ago).

I can physically feel myself fading away. My muscle mass on my leg dwindling by the day it seems. My upper body is doing much of the same. I work so hard in the gym and on all aspects of my body when I'm playing but now I've gone from being a highly tuned footballer who's usual day consists of…..Breakfast…..Gym/Stretching…..Training…..Dinner……Gym….Home…..to literally laid up on the sofa doing nothing. I'm starting to feel it big time. 

Just simple things like taking the dogs out or even popping out for a coffee is no more. I'm so used to doing these things everyday and then BOOM like a big fat slap in the face they are gone. I'm relying on the wife to carry things for me from room to room. I'm trying my hardest to try not become too bone idle. Every now and again I'll get up and do a few laps around the house on my crutches to just keep myself moving but I'm getting days like yesterday (31dec 2011) where I feel so USELESS. No energy and no motivation. I can see my muscle mass fading quicker than my favourite jumper after the mrs has washed it!……in all seriousness this is not my style laying around all day and at first I thought I'll be ok and to be fair in the most part I have been but the odd day already is just making me feel like I've never felt before. It doesn't even make it better if I get out of the house because it's so tiring lugging myself around on my crutches and I just get frustrated that my hands hurt and I feel like I'm getting in everyone's way. I get angry at myself calling myself a 'pussy' and other expletives as I think to myself " I'm harder than a set of crutches so stop whining about it" . Inevitably they are the winners and this highly tuned athlete has been broken down to a highly irritable human being……..

I've got sores on my heels as I can't lay in any other position than straight on my back and it's causing friction on my heel and that's the more frustrating thing to deal with. The knee isn't sore at the minute just aches and has dull pains kicking around in there but my heels….well let's just say I laugh about something so trivial as otherwise I would cry. I'm also laughing because I fully realise that I'm not even in a bad way compared to some people and also many a person has experienced what I'm going through but I'll put it this way… When your world is as active as mine and you rely on your body for your livelihood it hits you like a sledge hammer literally smashing your world to pieces!!!

So here we are…. a new year, a new start, everything is going to be different this year. I'm going to do things better this year, I'm going to work even harder this year, I'm going to live my life so much happier this year!!….I cant even begin to imagine how many people have said this already since the clocks hit midnight last night and all the fireworks and celebrations erupted. I have been telling myself these sort of things all day. 

PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) this is my mantra to tackle the year ahead. Positivity is going to be the key for me especially for the early part of the year as the first few months are going to be frustrating. Healing after my operation is going to be time consuming but as the year progresses and I get stronger and get back to playing again all the strife and struggle will be worth it.

I love to read sporting quotes/inspirational quotes and other peoples stories throughout history. I find that writing down little quotes I come across a big help. If I'm having a 'down' day as such I will look at these words and I find strength in them. The quote I find apt for today is 

IT IS BETTER TO LOOK AHEAD AND PREPARE THAN TO LOOK BACK AND REGRET

2011 is no more and all that went has now been confined to history and for me personally I'm delighted its over. 2011 started badly and ended even worse so lets just say that it's a understatement if I said I was happy to see the back of it.  Its onwards and upwards from here. I believe in that and I have faith in that!!! 

Happy new year and all the best for 2012 BRING IT ON!!!

thefightback@hotmail.co.uk