#4

I just want to say thank you for all your positive responses. Lets see where this goes and stick around for the ride #thefightback

Tuesday

Slept on the sofa last night...I've been fine going to bed on a night I haven't been sleeping great but I have been able to go to bed (fuelled up with co codamol) with the wife and my dogs and at least try to give sleeping a go (i have probably averaged around 2hours a night so far) but for some reason last night I couldn't get off the sofa I just found myself laid watching tele and writing and also thinking about wether doing this blog is a good idea??????

I say that because I'm quite a private person and always have been and yet early on in my injury I've found myself just wanting to write my thoughts down on my phone/computer (I chuckle to myself because what's happened to the good old pen and paper?)….It feels therapeutic in a way. If you would have said to me last week 'listen Hoggy will you write your thoughts down' I would have laughed in your face. Either that or politely told you to F off!! For some reason in which i cant believe and cant really fathom at the minute is I am loving writing and just putting down what thoughts are going through my mind. Will this last? I don't know but for the time being I am going with it and enjoying it.

Do i want people knowing my business??? What if the Gaffa or someone at the club doesn't want me to do it??? These are the questions I have asked myself. One thing i realised whilst looking through my twitter page and the comments on this very blog is that what the hell, why not? If it helps me and even just one person it will make me so happy.

I have been blown away by the support and goodwill that has come my way since the news about my injury broke. I never expected so much love and to be honest didn't think I would need it but even now at this very early stage its building a strength and a desire inside of me that I will need to utilise along the way. So once again thankyou all I am sincerely humbled. I have had messages of support from all around the world, messages from old friends, people i have not seen since childhood and every Tom Dick and Harry, i mean that in a nice way! I have had messages from all my old teams fans and these have been very special to me and  I will write about them times at some point. Also I want to say a massive thank you to all the players who have contacted me. There are players who I have never spoke to before sending me goodwill and for me that is a massive boost as its a mutual respect between us and even though at times we are enemies when we play against each other it spells a clear message to me….We are all in the same Football family and even though on the pitch we want to beat eachother at all costs it also shows we are ONE! I have a massive respect for all Professional Footballers no matter what league, as they are my peers and we never want to see people get hurt or go through hard times.

Now, I am the first person to stand up, well hop up and say 'look this isn't the end of the world no one has died here' and as i said in a previous post this blog is not a crusade of self worth. Its about helping myself and others hopefully, who are going through trying times to realise  'NOTHING IS UNBEATABLE IN LIFE AND ONCE WE GET THE MIND AROUND OUR PROBLEMS THEN WE WILL FIGURE OUT THE ANSWERS, IT MAY TAKE A LONG TIME BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL COME GOOD'…… 

Right back to last night it got to 3 in the morning and there I was still laid on the sofa just staring at the tele not really watching just staring!! Its now 06.20 as I write and I've had some sleep.

I live in a old cottage here in Inverness and as anyone knows old buildings are not the warmest in the winter it's one thing me and my wife have talked about and also laughed about as it gets so cold in here even with the heating on..!!!!(Hot water bottles and thermals are a must in inverness) anyway as I laid here this morning I'm woke by the sound of my two dogs (I have a chocolate labrador and a Maltese ) coming down the stairs and ready for their wee wees in the back garden..a big chocolate nose comes at me and a big lick to the cheek and that's it I'm awake again. As my wife comes down the stairs I hear her in the kitchen and next thing I know as I'm laid half awake/eyes shut still so tired I feel a hot water bottle getting slid under my blanket and also I feel the weight of a duvet getting gently placed over me and then she heads back into the kitchen to get her breakfast and stuff. That is what my wife is all about. She is like a wonder woman. She's got a lot on her plate at the minute with the worry about me and other things that will be playing heavy on her mind but she's just so kind hearted and it's like she's accepted a mission to look after me and do all she can for me and that's just one of many reasons I love her……

As I'm laid here I can't sleep anymore so I turn the tele on. On comes daybreak and there's a young child on with his family I can't quite hear what's been said as I've got the volume on low as my mother in law is still in bed……(Just a quick word on my mother in law Jill…She flew straight up to Inverness from London when hearing the news just so she could come and help with anything she could….. and that people is what i have got in abundance, a family willing to do anything it takes to support me and that is why i know i will kick this injury in the arse and send it on its way) !!! I also have to say all members of my family have offered to come up and see me or offer to help in anyway they can including my Father in law George who has been a massive help over the past few days on the phone.!! In the case of my Mum and Dad and my amazing Sister its not possible due to work commitments but i know that they are desperate to see their boy and im desperate to see them…I will see you and the kids soon! Anyway back to the the boy on my tele..I pick up his parents saying how he has some sort of irreversible condition and they do all sorts for the kids at Xmas and they have doubled their energy bill just so they can decorate their house with lights so he can enjoy it. This Boy has the biggest smile on his face and just looks so happy and I feel myself smiling at the tele, as here I am laid worrying about a knee, which IS going to heal and is going to be good eventually and this Boy is never going to shake his problem and still manages to look so happy, it just fills me with a feeling of 'see Hogg there's always someone worse off than you' . Now I don't know if that's just pure innocence from the Boy but what he gives me in that 2mins he's on my tele is a sense of perspective of hope and of compassion and also inspiration as his smile has just boosted me in so many ways and he will never know…..